SLIGHT RETURN.

my how complicated this xanga world has become. i barely knew what the hell i had just logged on to

at any rate, here i am again. my right hand has been far too overloaded with note taking these days to be of much use in a journal, so we turn to the digital alternative.

hello.

its been awhile. nonetheless, ill try my hand at scattering thoughts out to the netherworld of cyberspace. you see, im wondering after my quality of life. about every nine days or so i get real overwhelmed at the quantity of things, books, friends that i find slipping out of my hands. the days pass over onebyone, get entrenched with duties, feedings, idleness and then i find myself caught in that ever repeating sigh.

why i am i so bad at this?

i suppose i should count myself quite exceptionally lucky to know so many good people - SO many that i can barely keep up with most of them. and this is what produces the ever-gnawing sense of weight on my shoulders...that i do these friends so grave a disservice in mistaking them for mine, for tomorrow, for next week, etc. i really wish to have more time at my disposal. to be able to actually catch(up) with all of everyone, to actually get to that point where there is no more catching needed.

alas.

let us not despair at the abundance of gifts, however. only thank the good Lord for their shining presence day after day, for the fact that even if i have not the immediate blessing of one's presence, someone else does, and that in the end all things are goodgoodgood, moreover beautiful. amen.

i hope i take more time to see it.

PUNCHING HOLES

in an attempt to make my bedroom more home-ish and permanent seeming i had my mother help me make curtains this summer. seeing as literally half of this tiny room is windows i felt a job of this stature was as good as wallpapering the place and frankly it is. however on nights like tonight when the weather is lovely as it is the wind jams its fists against the cloth consistently enough to make it feel like im in one of those little parachute things you played in as a kid. the walls all seem to be moving in and out at you and while youre staring at the computer trying to write a darn paper the circumstance seems not a little disorienting.

but thats not a bad thing.

inothernews this weekend i worked all overnight shifts. perhaps this merely adds to the disorienting effect of the curtain-walls. one things for sure - this staying up all night and pretending to sleep all day thing doesnt do it for me and sleep deprivation does indeed prove to be something like a drug experience. ah well. not too bad....

Currently Reading The Republic of Plato By Plato see related

PUSH AND SHOVE

i wish i could remember what weekends were like. what it was like to have a break, a day off. i guess i have no right to complain. i like my job, its helping me generate money so i can pay off past debts, present debts, future debts and all such stuff. however, this lack of repreive is wearing on me early in this semester's run.

prayers,prayers,prayers.

somethings gotta give.

Currently Listening Life Is Full of Possibilities By Dntel see related

WISDOM, THE EROTIC PHENOMENON

no matter how much stress, anxiety, and disgust i accumulate towards the re-commencement of the school season, all of it gets dissolved by the romance of the first day. my worries dissolve into determination - determination to be a good student, to do all my reading on time, to engage with my classmates...deteminations that will likely morph back into their original form of worries once a few weeks have passed.

ah well.

i guess none of that matters right now. right now i am simply romanced by all the distant-future-deadlines and unnumbered assignments. i suppose i should enjoy that. i suppose i will.

inothernews, we got a new cat addition to the house. jackie o. just moved in with our friend jeannette and while the two cats are not yet on speaking terms, they do spend an awful lot of time spying on each other. i wonder how long it will take them to just get along. right now it just constantly feels like youre at the zoo - watching how close they get, whether they hiss, who is eating whose food. oh dear...anyone want a cat?

Currently Listening Cosmic Dancer By T. Rex see related

IN MEMORIUM

i thought it important to take a moment here - pause and reflect and the like - to marvel at an old friend whose little soul has passed from this side of eternity to the other.

poe the fish, sister of edgar the fish and allen the fish, was found dead this morning at approximately 9:58 am in her hometown tank at 5229 n. sawyer ave., chicago, il. poe was one year, eight months, and ten days old at the time of death, having survived the rest of her fish family.

best known as "the fish who could survive without food for weeks", poe was also a prime suspect in the mysterious murder of jacques the carnival fish and long time friend of lauren, erica braunshausen, and the orchid on the window sill next to her. while alive, she had the good fortune of traveling around wisconsin and the chicagoland area. yes. none could say she lived a poor life.

private services with close family friends have already taken place but cards, chocolate, and checks made payable to Lauren Braunshausen will be gratefully accepted throughout the remainder of the year.

God bless.